How are you feeling?
We leave the country for THREE years in 13 days.
Every time I see someone these days they ask “how are you feeling about this?”
Valid question. I
would be wondering if I was in their shoes!
I usually fumble around for words, saying some variation of “it’s
bittersweet, but we are excited to go.”
This question has caused me to think… How DO I feel about
this? The answer is a little more
lengthy than I can explain on the spot while giving a hug hello
A little back information on me. I hate change. Like, I REALLY hate change. Of course I have gotten better at it through
the years of growing up and maturing.
(no wise cracks please)
But the fact remains.
Change and I are not the best of friends.
I don’t run to greet it at the door when I
see it coming.
I tend to try and
barricade the door and run into the back room in a dark corner and hide from
the inevitable as long as possible.
When the change finds me in that corner, it usually has to drag me out
kicking and screaming.
Sometimes these questions demand my attention: Things I would not usually think about, but
have been brought into focus because of what we are doing with our life.
Will the USA be standing when we get back?
Will I ever see my loved ones again?
Will we get extremely sick?
Will we be killed over there?
Is persecution coming
to Indonesia?
Legit questions. Scary questions
But because of Jesus ONLY, I am not running into a corner, I
am not barricading the door. I am not
shaken. There are gut wrenching
moments. There are tears, there are
waves of realization that hit me and make me wobble for a moment.
But there is NOTHING that can shake my God. He is the rock we stand on, and He has told
us to go. There is nothing that can stop
HIM! So we are in good hands, and He has
changed us, prepared us, sent us, and He has and will continue to sustain
us. Why would I run from that? I am right where I am supposed to be. I am in Jesus’ hands. And no scary question is too big for
Him.
To tell you the truth friend. Yesterday was a hard day. We had scheduled an appointment for Gracie’s
last well check, her 2 year check up. We
have always breezed right through these appointments. But we were told yesterday that Grace needs
to see a cardiologist due to a heart murmur that had never been heard
before. And she is iron deficient. Now we know that the iron is fixable, and a
murmur does not necessarily mean that anything is wrong. But it was enough to catch us off guard and
punch us in the gut. Yesterday as I was
on the phone making an appointment for a possible EKG and echocardiogram for
Grace, I was feeling overwhelmed and scared.
I started to pray!
The enemy doesn’t want us to go to Indonesia! He wants to distract us,
scare us, overwhelm us, give us worries, and stress and get us off
mission.
NO. Greater is He
that is in me, than he that is living in the world. We pray for Grace, we pray for our health,
our marriage, our emotional health. We
trust Jesus. And NO MATTER WHAT, Jesus
is GOOD. All the time. In the not knowing, in the fear, in the
questions, He is God and I am not. And
we TRUST HIM!
So how do I feel you ask?
Some days I feel strong.
Some goodbyes I cry. Some the
tears are not there, some days I feel like I can do this, and some days I feel
weak. Yesterday I felt weak. Just making a cardiologist appointment for
Grace felt surreal. But in my weakness
Jesus’ power is PERFECTED. When I give
Him that weakness, than He can do something with that!
What a loving God. He
doesn’t call the perfect, He uses you and me and He perfects His power through
us.
So on the days I feel weak, He reminds me…with Him I am
strong.
Please pray for our family as we prepare to leave. Grace has her cardiologist appointment the 24th. Pray for a clean bill of health. Pray for spiritual protection for our
family. Pray for health for us. Pray that Jesus will go before us and open
doors and prepare hearts.
This is all about Jesus.
Much Love,
Amanda
