"So, How are you FEELING?"

How are you feeling?

We leave the country for THREE years in 13 days.

Every time I see someone these days they ask  “how are you feeling about this?”

Valid question.  I would be wondering if I was in their shoes!  I usually fumble around for words, saying some variation of “it’s bittersweet, but we are excited to go.”  

This question has caused me to think… How DO I feel about this?   The answer is a little more lengthy than I can explain on the spot while giving a hug hello

A little back information on me.  I hate change.  Like, I REALLY hate change.  Of course I have gotten better at it through the years of growing up and maturing.  (no wise cracks please)

But the fact remains.  Change and I are not the best of friends.  I don’t run to greet it at the door when I see it coming.   I tend to try and barricade the door and run into the back room in a dark corner and hide from the inevitable as long as possible.   When the change finds me in that corner, it usually has to drag me out kicking and screaming. 

Sometimes these questions demand my attention:  Things I would not usually think about, but have been brought into focus because of what we are doing with our life. 

 

Will the USA be standing when we get back? 

Will I ever see my loved ones again? 

Will we get extremely sick?

Will we be killed over there?

 Is persecution coming to Indonesia?

 Legit questions.  Scary questions

But because of Jesus ONLY, I am not running into a corner, I am not barricading the door.   I am not shaken.   There are gut wrenching moments.  There are tears, there are waves of realization that hit me and make me wobble for a moment. 

But there is NOTHING that can shake my God.  He is the rock we stand on, and He has told us to go.  There is nothing that can stop HIM!  So we are in good hands, and He has changed us, prepared us, sent us, and He has and will continue to sustain us.   Why would I run from that?  I am right where I am supposed to be.  I am in Jesus’ hands.  And no scary question is too big for Him. 

To tell you the truth friend.  Yesterday was a hard day.  We had scheduled an appointment for Gracie’s last well check, her 2 year check up.  We have always breezed right through these appointments.  But we were told yesterday that Grace needs to see a cardiologist due to a heart murmur that had never been heard before.  And she is iron deficient.  Now we know that the iron is fixable, and a murmur does not necessarily mean that anything is wrong.  But it was enough to catch us off guard and punch us in the gut.  Yesterday as I was on the phone making an appointment for a possible EKG and echocardiogram for Grace, I was feeling overwhelmed and scared. 

I started to pray!  The enemy doesn’t want us to go to Indonesia! He wants to distract us, scare us, overwhelm us, give us worries, and stress and get us off mission.   

NO.  Greater is He that is in me, than he that is living in the world.  We pray for Grace, we pray for our health, our marriage, our emotional health.  We trust Jesus.  And NO MATTER WHAT, Jesus is GOOD.  All the time.  In the not knowing, in the fear, in the questions, He is God and I am not.  And we TRUST HIM! 

So how do I feel you ask?

Some days I feel strong.  Some goodbyes I cry.  Some the tears are not there, some days I feel like I can do this, and some days I feel weak.  Yesterday I felt weak.  Just making a cardiologist appointment for Grace felt surreal.  But in my weakness Jesus’ power is PERFECTED.  When I give Him that weakness, than He can do something with that! 

What a loving God.  He doesn’t call the perfect, He uses you and me and He perfects His power through us. 

So on the days I feel weak, He reminds me…with Him I am strong. 

Please pray for our family as we prepare to leave.  Grace has her cardiologist appointment the 24^th.  Pray for a clean bill of health.  Pray for spiritual protection for our family.  Pray for health for us.  Pray that Jesus will go before us and open doors and prepare hearts. 

This is all about Jesus. 

Much Love, 

Amanda