Beyond Me

“You gave me the stars, and put them out of my reach, You called me to waters a little too deep. You take me to the place where I know I need you. You are making me see, this is way beyond me.”

I was toying with the idea of writing this blog for a few days. You know, the kind that is raw and real and not necessarily all smiley faces and "hoorays"  LOL. 

 The part of me that says "Write it! Do it"  thinks that I should be real about the struggles and fears, because God is really moving in that, and without showcasing the struggle it would be impossible for you, dear friend to see how BIG and awesome God is, and all the big things He is doing in our lives and in my heart.  

The part of me that says "naw, don't write it" thinks it makes me look vulnerable, weak, and a little cray-cray.  haha! =)  And maybe it will. But that is okay.  I think Jesus is teaching me not to be so WORRIED about what people think of me.  I am learning it because I have lived it....I cannot contemplate God or anything He is doing in my life if I am busy obsessing over my image in other peoples eyes.  So, I am dedicated to showcase the struggle, not just the strengths, because that is real life, that is where God moves and changes and redeems and saves! I don't have it mastered. But I am growing. 

So many times in this process of packing and saying goodbye Matt and I have talked about how we have...peace. Just this weird feeling of calm and content.  Look back at some of these blogs, and they tell you the story of how God has shown us time and time again that this is where He wants us, that He is right here with us. It has been such an encouragement and something that Matt and I remember when we are feeling overwhelmed or insecure. 

That word. Insecure. Yup. I got it. I know that word because so often I LIVE that word. Moving to New York...the night we got in.  It hit me. I felt rocks in my stomach....boulders really.  I was thinking "WHAT HAVE WE DONE?"  and "okay, well, this was fun, bye New York, bye dreams, goodbye to the call on our life"  it was getting UNCOMFORTABLE.  Our friends who attended Elim last semester left only an hour after we arrived....I didn't want them to go because I wanted a friend, a lifeline.  But they left and I was in a new place and I had a moment of wanting to surrender.   See, this is kinda lame. Because I am still in AMERICA. haha.  I can only imagine what you are thinking.... "oh wow. just wait till this wimp goes to a third world country!"  haha.  I think that too sometimes. But the first night we were here I had those boulders in my stomach. I kept thinking, " I need to read my Bible" I need life, I need hope, I need TRUTH.  I don't need to hear what I say about this...I need to hear what Jesus says about this.  Matt and I prayed, we read. I fell asleep with those rocks. But when I woke I felt weirdly at home.  Not just in the 'i finally got sleep' kind of way.  I can't really describe it, but I felt at home and I felt calm, not only calm, but happy, excited, content.  Our apartment didn't feel foreign, it felt like home.  That is not me, not sleep, that is Jesus. 

See I am REALLY good at being no good.  People tell me all the time that I am so brave to go to Indonesia with Matt and with a child.  HA! Well thanks, but that's not me. I can be brave when it comes to hiking or 4 wheeling, or things that don't change my life. But when big change (even good change) comes....I am the biggest wimp.  I reallllllllly don't like it.   That's why I didn't want our friends to leave New York. (other than the fact that I like them)  =)   But it was something familiar to cling to. 

Friend, God has been REALLY good at removing my comfort lately...removing my "security blankets"  and it hurts, it's cold and I am exposed and shivering without that "blanket"  It's been months and months of it. And I have dealt with it in a whole lot of different ways.  Grump. Anger. Sad. Tears. Quiet. Rocks. Boulders. Grump. Snippy. Worried.

I have learned a lot about myself during the past 6 months.  The idea of moving to be a missionary was great, and ultimately I knew it was coming, and in my heart I wanted it.  But you know what I didn’t want, and it surprised me when I found myself ferociously defending it? My idol disturbed. Comfort, security.  My idol was threatened, and my heart was ugly.  I liked to think that I surrender everything……except that one thing…because I am afraid of what you might do with that. And when God came crashing in and ruffled my comfort I found myself throwing a tantrum like Grace does when I won't let her eat a second cookie, it's because I love her, and I know what is best for her even though that is not how she sees it.  Hmmm. maybe there is a metaphor there. =) 

But the beauty in that is, GOD Doesn’t leave us in these "growing seasons forever."  He has been so loving and so kind and gentle to me.  There are too many instances to share now, but He has taken such good care of our family. Reignited my heart,  and shown me who I REALLY am in such tangible and real ways.  

I wouldn't trade it for anything. You read it right. It has hurt at times. But it is BEAUTIFUL what He is doing.  God has changed my heart. He has been molding me, changing me. And I LOVE it. I don't love the discomfort, but I love what He is doing. And He couldn't be doing this in my life if He had left those pathetic security blankets on me.  He had to remove so much to take me to a place where I was raw and could see my need for Him. And during this I have never felt so LOVED.  There is something so refreshing to my soul to be stripped of more and more of me...because He is showing me more and more of Him.  And my friend He is....the best. HE sustains me. He is taking care of me. He is in control. And even if my worst fear, my dearest security blanket, my comfort is all taken away or shaken, He is enough and He LOVES me, and He will not, and has not left me there to shiver in the cold.  He is always right there to comfort me, to encourage me, and to show me that I can't do this on my power, but HE CAN! And his yoke is easy His burden is light.  His promises are beautiful. He will never leave me or forsake me. He will not give me more than I can handle. Those promises have never held such truth for me until these last few months. And without the struggle I would have missed all this!  Thank you Jesus! He knows what He is doing. 

"I could have called all of this a reason to retreat.  But you have given me some dreams that are bigger than me.  I might be outsized, out-matched, the underdog in the fight of my life. All of this is out of my league.  Anything that i have the strength to do is because of Jesus.  Being in over my head keeps me counting on You.  I am leaving the sweet spot, I'm shell-shocked, I am trading it all for the plans that You have.    You take me to the place where I KNOW that I need you. Straight to the depths that I can't handle on my own.  Is it so crazy to believe...that you gave me the stars and put them out of my reach?  You called me to waters a little too deep.  I have never been so aware of my need.  Jesus, you keep on making me see that it's way BEYOND ME."

A simple message that has come alive in my heart.  Thanks for reading dear friend. I hope this encourages your heart.

Love, Amanda

I am a new creation in Him!

 “therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has gone, the new has come” 2 Cor 5:17

I am saved by Grace as a gift, not because of my performance.

 “For by Grace you have been saved, through faith. And this is not your own doing. It is a gift from God. Not a result of works, so that no one may boast.  Ephesians 2:8

I am a victor.

 “no, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us” Romans 8:37

I have a calling on my life.

“therefore, holy brothers, you who share in a heavenly calling, consider Jesus, the apostle and high priest of our confession who was faithful to him who appointed him.  Hebrews 3:1

In Jesus I am FREE of my old self, and the bondage of sin.

“For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin.” 

Romans 6:6

Oh and P.S. we have a TON of snow! =) 

Baby X-ray and Runny Noses

On Tuesday we noticed that Grace was running a fever.  We tried to control it with baby Motrin and it seemed to help a bit.  The next morning we could tell our little girl was not feeling very good.  We pushed a lot of liquids and rest, but after her second nap we knew it was getting worse.  We checked her temp and it was 103.5!  We made a few calls.  I started the truck, we packed our bags and then it was off to the Emergency Room.  Gracie's very first time in the ER!  Well, we get there and the nurse wants to get her vitals.  Gracie was pretty scared and was not happy with the nurse!  We were showed to her room and got her comfy on the bed reading books!  She is such a trooper.  We waited there quite a while and finally the doctor came in to check her out.  He listened to her lungs and decided that he needed an x-ray to be sure of his diagnosis!  So, we waited some more for the x-ray tech to be ready.  Finally it was our turn to be checked.  We had to put grace in a special tool that kept her from

 squirming too much so that the tech could get a good photo of her lungs.  This little "tool" looked more like a torture chamber and Grace was not excited about it one bit.  I, (Matt) had to put her in this contraption with the help of the nurse.  Grace was screaming and crying, and saying, up, up, up in between sobs.  I got to stay with Grace, but the tech and mom had to leave the room to reduce radiation.  While it was just Grace and I, she looked in my eyes and I just saw huge crocodile tears and she said, "daddy, up, plsh"!  And that broke my heart.  I just had to encourage her and tell her to trust me.  I did a lot of talking, but I'm sure she didn't understand :(  We were finally done and I was able to "save" my little girl from the machine.  After about an hour of waiting we found out that Grace has Bronchitis!  It was a good thing we went in and got it checked out.  We got home kind of late that night.  Grace was tired but worked up.  It was a long night of rocking grace to sleep and tossing and turning in our beds.  Amanda and I both woke up the next morning feeling pretty crummy ourselves.  I was still able to get out and do some work, but my girls were not feeling very good at all.  While I was out, a couple that we met through Helimission dropped off a very sweet surprise!  It was all kinds of things that are

needed for a sick girl!  We feel very blessed by the generosity of people and the amazing way God provides even when we don't ask!  Thank you for blessing us!

After that exciting trip to the ER, Amanda got sick and then I got sick.  All three of us were out for the count.  We watched Little House on the Prairie and read a lot of books.  Grace started to feel better but Amanda and I were not.  I found it's really hard to pull grace down the hall in the laundry basket time after time when you can't breathe out your nose.  I got winded pretty quick, so had to improvise on how to entertain our busy little bee!  It is Sunday now and Grace is doing much better.  She still has cough attacks at night but we see a huge improvement in her.  Amanda is still pretty tired and has a sore throat!  I woke up with a burst of energy and a clear nose, so I went to church, but after the walk through the snow, my congestion showed up quickly.  I'm not better yet, even though I wish I was!  The Weber's stopped by last night and dropped off a meal for us, and Ben stopped by also to drop off ice cream!  We are very loved by the people of Helimission and we are on the mend!  We might even get out of the house today! 

Here are some photos of our little girl's first ER trip:

Getting Grace in the machine!

The first x-ray

The second x-ray.  I tried to hold her hands.

Waiting for the x-ray results

There is my little girl!  Pretty cool!

Gracie reading her book to Howard (the pig)

We Survived the First Week of School!

We were supposed to arrive in New York on January 5th, but due to unfortunate weather we struggled to arrive by the 6th.  Everything started out well! 

The lovely snow

Our alarm went off in Seattle at 6 am.  We had all the bags packed, weighed and in the van ready to go.  We left the house early enough to stop for a cup of coffee on the way and even made it to the airport with time to spare.  We got checked in and our bags were checked all the way to Rochester.  I usually fly standby, but this time I had confirmed seats so I packed like I had confirmed seats.  No overnight gear would be needed because we would be in Rochester by 10pm and so would our bags.  

Our first flight left on time.  Grace was a bit wiggly but she did pretty good for her age.  We always get a bit nervous because most people don't like kids on a plane, and something always happens!  Let me tell you one story: We were trying to wrangle Grace who was squirming around.  We tried to offer all kinds of things; crackers, snacks, toys, etc.  We had a water bottle that she loves and had filled it before we got on the plane.  Well all Grace needs to do is  push a button and the "straw" flips up and she can take a drink.  Well she gets her bottle, pushes the button and the straw flips open as normal.  What wasn't normal was the pressure inside the bottle which forced a steady stream of water right between Amanda and I, between the seats, and right onto the lady sleeping behind us.  I am frantically trying to catch water that is flying through the air with not so much luck.  All we could do was laugh and the lady was very kind to us.  Haha what a surprise that would be! 

 Well we got to Chicago early and decided to get some much needed food.  While in line we saw a fight almost break out.  We ate and headed to the gate to wait where a disgruntled, drunk passenger was making a scene.  Gotta love Chicago!  It was snowing pretty heavy outside and our flight was delayed 15 minutes.  Well 15 minutes turned into hours of waiting, but finally we got on the airplane.  

We had to wait an hour for the de-ice unit to show up before we could even leave.  So, since we were near the back of the plane Grace was able to just run and play with the other kids!  After waiting one and a half hours on the plane our flight got canceled and we were deplaned.  Then we had to wait in line at customer service, but by God's grace, we were taken from the back of the line and brought to the executive customer service!  The last shall be first!  So, our flight got changed to early the next morning, so that meant a night in the airport.  We walked to the other end of the airport and found a place to rest.  The girls were able to lay down and rest, but I stayed and watched over them and the stuff!  Early the next morning we got on our plane and it actually took off!  We arrived in Rochester, but unfortunately, our bags did not.  It wasn't until 10 pm that night that our bags finally showed up, but we were in Lima and we were together!

This is our new place! (the lower half)

We started college classes last week and are excited to learn, but not so excited about the home work :)  I, Matt, am taking 4 classes: Basic Christian Counseling, Management for Christian Leaders, Cultures and Customs, and Missionary Life.  All of these classes are very interesting and in one week I have learned so much.  I am looking forward to this semester and the time I get to be with my family, learn from great teachers, and to study God's word!

This is one of the college buildings

It is so cool to see how God can use anyone to speak encouragement to us!  I have been trying to sell my truck now for a couple weeks and have had a lot of activity, but no buyers yet.  Well today I had a call on it while I was in chapel.  I called the man back and talked about the truck a bit.  He asked how the transition was to New York and we started talking about life and got on the subject of Helimission.  I told him we are using Helicopters to get the Gospel of Jesus to the most remote people on earth!  This guy ended up being a pastor at Calvary Chapel and just started encouraging me!  I'm here in New York, he is in Renton, and he was praying for me and my family right over the phone all because of Craigslist!  God is so good to us!  I haven't sold the truck and that's ok!  God is so amazing and nothing can hold him back!  He has shown us that He is in control of everything and He can even use Craigslist to bring a blessing!

We received our December financial update recently and are encouraged again to see the generosity of people!  Thank you all so much for faithfully giving!  We are not fully funded yet but every month we have seen more people partner with us!  We are currently 61% of the way to being fully funded!  That is so awesome and encouraging!  We have also got our Canadian account set up for those in Canada that would like to give.  Please click HERE, or click on our "Support" tab  and it explains how to give through that avenue.  Right now we are still in a state of preparation for the field and  it is hard to see the results of what you are giving too! We recommend clicking HERE and signing up for Helimission's newsletter.  This pamphlet is a collection of stories about what God is doing through Helimission!  It is very encouraging and helps you to see the usefulness of a helicopter in getting the gospel out!  It has been 10 years of preparation of which God has faithfully supplied all our needs through working and generous people, but now is a time where we are trusting fully in God to supply through people like you!  Thank you for your generosity and for being a part of getting the gospel to the ends of the earth!  

New York! New York!

WE MADE IT!! 

We live in a village! =) 

WE ARE HERE! And settled! We unpacked our last bag.  It was a bit of a go getting here. We slept in the airport after a cancelled flight. But it was a little bit exciting. =)

                                                    

Mom and Grace trying to catch some zzz's in the airport

Lunch after the airport with Helimission folks. 

WE MADE IT! But guess what?.....they lost our bags!...HA!  But we got them at 10 o'clock that night.   Right from the airport we went to lunch with a bunch of folks from Helimission.  We said goodbye (for now) to our friends Fawn and Michael Stevens, but we said hello to Matt and Vee Weber.  We will go through all of our training from here on out with the Weber family.  Our families will be stationed at the same base in Indonesia.  They are great, and we are looking forward to spending lots of time with them.  They have three kids who are great with Grace, she loves them. God provided friends. =)


Our apartment is cozy and really homey. We are living in the downstairs apartment of the Helimission USA headquarters.  It is a quick trip to go upstairs for meetings.  =)

Getting set up! 

Grace exploring the new place.

The last helimission family decorated for Grace. It touched our hearts! 

We are excited to be here.  Matt and I feel like this time is going to be awesome.  Matt will take full load with 4 classes.  I will audit 2 classes and take 1 class as a normal student.  We had orientation for college today! Haha! Blast to the past.

Here are pictures of some of the fun things we have done since we got to New York!

Check out our awesome ride for the next four months.

Helimission cutie. 

We have a quad parked in our garage that we can use to have some fun in these long winter months.  This is our kind of fun!

Here are some pictures of our college.  For those of you who are confused as to what we are doing in New York going to college.
Helimission requires all candidates to attend one semester (four months) at Elim Bible Institute in Lima New York prior to language school.  Once we are done with Elim (in May) we will spend a few months wrapping things up in the states, saying goodbye to friends and family, and then moving to Sentani Indonesia for 6-9 months of language school.  After that we will be at our final destination. Wamena Indonesia.

Okay, so for those pictures of Elim....some are taken in summertime....don't be fooled it is a frozen tundra right now. =)

Classes officially start tomorrow, however we don't have class until Tuesday.

Thanks for being on this adventure with us friend.  We love you!  Will keep you posted!    Our e-mail (we check everyday) for both Matt and I is:  helibladesoflove@gmail.com   E-mail us for anything. Questions, just to chat.  We love hearing from you!

Love, Amanda, Matt and Gracie.

This is the beginning of our adventure

Enough talk. Time to DO something...
And here we go!

Earlier this evening and earlier this week, we said goodbye to family and friends. It was hard.

But let me just tell you where we are at right this second....

It is 11:04pm. We just packed and weighed all our suitcases to make sure they did not go over 50lbs.....(I'm pretty sure each one is exactly 50lbs!)

We just sent out our quarterly newsletter, and now I am writing you.
I am in my pajamas with my hair in a messy bun.  My make up is slightly smudged because quite a few tears have leaked out today.  Grace has been asleep for a few hours.  Matt and his cousin Beth are chatting in the kitchen.  Mom Meeuwse just went to bed.....  our night is wrapping up.  And in reality it was a good day.  We made some good memories.  But saying goodbye is always a little hard.

In the morning our world will change again.  (good thing we like adventures) =)
Our flight leaves at 11:20 tomorrow morning.  By tomorrow night we will be living in New York!
WHAT? Crazy.....maybe it will hit me once we finally land, or when my feet hit the ground, or when the icy cold weather hits my face....or maybe it will hit me sometime next week. HA!

Friend, guess what?...We are excited.  It is bittersweet.  But if you read our past blogs you will see how God has prepared us for this, and how He has been so FAITHFUL and loving.  We look back to those times when we are feeling sad and we are so encouraged!

This adventure is just beginning.  It has been a long time in the making.....lots of prep, lots of work. But here we are.  This is the beginning.  Let's do this thing together.

We have lots more to share with you! Lots of fun pictures and stories....But our internet is slow and so are our brains tonight.  We need some sleep and so we will leave you with that anticipation. =)

Thanks for investing in us, and thank YOU, yes you who are reading this right now.

Off we go!
Amanda, Matt and Grace

Merry Christmas!!

"She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins." -  Matthew 1:21

This time of year is full of memories, traditions, fun and family!  All the hustle and bustle of shopping, trying to find that one gift that will make pure joy for that special someone.  We guys spend countless hours thinking about what to buy, and once we figure it out we make our game plan.  Sit down, and minutes later the package is coming right to our doorstep!  Then it's off to the garage again to rotate the tires because our wives drive all over the universe to find that perfect gift!  It is fun trying to find something that you know creates joy and happiness.  We want to give good gifts to those we love!  We want the gift to be meaningful, precious and joyful!  We want to show love through our gifts!

This is a picture of the great love that God has for you and for us!  This whole season is wrapped around a gift that was given over 2000 years ago!  "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." - Isaiah 9:6  You see, God loves you so much!  He wants to give you good gifts because He wants you to be full of Joy...unending Joy!  God created us perfect and we had a perfect relationship with Him!  But we sinned and ruined our relationship with God, but even though we stopped pursuing God, He still pursued us!  He thought of a perfect gift that would fix the relationship that you and I destroyed!  He thought of a gift that will never disappoint or lose its joy, unlike the gifts we give that may give joy for the moment but always disappoint.  He thought of a gift that is so meaningful and precious that it will change your life!  He gave us the gift of His son, JESUS!!!  At first glance, we wonder what good is a baby?  But it is this baby that would fix the relationship between us and God!  Jesus, lived a life without sin, the life we fail to live every day!  He died a brutal death on the cross, a death that you and I deserve!  But the grave could not keep him!  He conquered Satan, sin and death and rose victorious!  This baby that came, this gift of life, bridged the gap that our sin created and Jesus willingly takes your sin and my sin to the cross and as a gift he places on us His sinless robe, so that when we meet God on our last day and stand there to be judged, Jesus will come and say, "Dad I died for this one!  He sinned, but he has My robe of righteousness because he believed in me"!  And, those that believe in Jesus, the Great gift, will be saved!  

God loves us!  He loves us so much that He gave us His son so that we can have a relationship with Him.  We give gifts because God is a gift giver!  We love because God loves us!  If you are living a life today that feels empty or like something is missing, or you are giving gifts to find joy, please look to Jesus!  It is only through Him that Joy will be unending!  

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." - Romans 5:13

Merry Christmas,

The Meeuwse's

Happy Holidays!

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays!  Its a day filled with traditions, family and food.  What is not to love about that?  This year was quite different for our family though.  I (Matt) spent Thanksgiving in Oregon flying christmas trees, while Amanda and Grace were with her brother in Kirkland!  It was hard to be away from them on Thanksgiving, but we got to FaceTime on the computer which made the distance a seem a bit less.  We have a lot to be thankful for this year!  During this tree season I have flown over 150 hours!  I have finally met all the requirements Helimission requires which is such a great blessing!  It has been 10 years working towards this goal, and to see it come into fruition is very exciting!  Also, in our last post we mentioned that we were 32% of the way to being fully funded and that our hope was to be at 100% by Thanksgiving.  We just got our November update and though we are not fully funded we are very excited to share that we are 52% of the way to being fully funded!  This is very encouraging and we want to thank all of you who have joined our support team and for those of you praying us through!  Our new goal is to be fully funded by Christmas!  We still need you to take action and join our support team!  We have great momentum, but still have quite a ways to go in order to be fully funded!  Please take the time and visit our support page!  We are currently packing up our home as we need to be out of our place on December 15!  I'll be driving up a very full load to Kent tomorrow and hope to have everything on that load minus a few suit cases of essentials!  It is weird not to have any of our Christmas decor up and our traditions are all packed up pretty much!  Please pray for us as we become nomadic for the next few months!  Pray also that we can be fully funded as my last paycheck comes on the 12th!  We hope that you all have a very amazing Christmas season and that Jesus is the center of your celebration because He is worth celebrating!!!  

Here is a short video of me flying a bundle of trees